Diabetes I - Jarid Rollins

It started a long time ago but happened two weeks ago.  I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes.  I knew that the day would come eventually when I would have to rely on medicine to stay well.  It meant that I was weak that I was broken.  The body that was once a well oiled machine was now betraying me.  

So that was bad.

My mind was worse.  For the last month I had a hard time at work I wasn't focusing on much of anything.  I was sluggish and lacked the motivation that I needed to give a shit.  As a therapist I spend much of my day helping people mine their thoughts for fears, worries and insights.  I could not stop mining my own thoughts.  I moved from one chamber to the next, looking for something but not finding the right answer.  It did not help that I was working with faulty equipment.  

On a Wednesday in the summer I put a needle in my side for the first time.  I did what I could to hold it together.  My wife sitting next to me and a stranger along side giving me advice on the whole process.  I teared up, I felt weak, I felt betrayed.  These feelings were real, but they weren't true.  I took some breaths, a nutrionist and nurse talked in the background.  I heard nothing, I was alone with my thoughts, once again mining.  I found no gold that day, but I made it back to the surface.  And for that I am proud.